Last Sunday I preached about how God calls all of us...are we listening to God's voice? Where is God calling us to go? Where is God calling me to go? VERY dangerous questions to ask! So, being the good church member I took the sermon seriously and dove into the questions this week and explored the self doubts that come with them...that's probably just a me thing, but....anyway, I was drawn into the Old Testatement and the stories of God calling people. Samuel, Saul, David and others.
It brought questions for me. Am I listening and following God's voice? Am I doing what God wants? I wrestled with my over all call in life as well as my day to day call in details. I put my best sceptic glasses on and tore myself apart and left myself lying on the ground bleeding with all of the flaws I found in myself.
So, this morning I knew I had to worship. I needed to go before my Lord and Savior and pray, hear the scripture and experience the table. I was starving! (Yes, preachers starve, too!) Anyway, I went and before I could center in on my bleeding self that needed repair God answered my questions.
The air wasn't working in the sanctuary! Crazy answer? not really! not in my life! Ok, it's a brand new system that isn't paid for...so I tried to turn it on again and no air. I gave up quickly and decided to leave the problem to the expert...but that means moving worship! So, I moved everything to Fellowship hall, set up a worship space, welcomed people in, talked with the Organist, who I love!, and settled in to worship. It was in that moment I felt God smile and say..."I called you because you can do this."
My bleeding pieces no longer bled...they were whole from the touch of God's fingers. I was brushed off and ready to serve in the calling I am called to! I treasure the questions and the experience of challenging myself, but I savor the knowledge that I am doing what God calls me to do. I am the blessing God needs of me.