I'm tired today. I woke up cranky and dreading the day. So, I also waited to blog. The last thing I want is for this to become my person bitch session...it is Lent after all and I'm thinking this faith thing needs to go a bit deeper than that.
I've been in a place of doubt recently. I've been questioning a lot of things and feeling pretty dried up in my own spiritual life. This blog is forcing me to drink from the well. More correctly...Lent is forcing me to drink from the well of God's presence. (It's more than that, but I'm not sure on how else to look at it.)
Today in my crankiness I had to face frustration from myself and from others. It was valid and it is normal. But we had to work it out and we did. What I/we found was grace. I needed grace today. I needed grace from women who love me in the midst of frustration. I found God today in these women and their grace.
So often frustration can lead to anger the desire to dig our feet in and be right. We get caught in the taking of sides or self righteousness. We forget we're dealing with people. Broken relationships can be caused...in our society lives are destroyed and changed out of frustration. Look at the guy on the plane last week who was drunk frustrated and now picking up the pieces of his stupidity. Anyway...frustration can get out of hand and get in our way very quickly.
Or there's grace...the ability to get beyond and into relationship of love. To love others. That's what we're about...the church. We're called to be in love. Today it was easy...others days it's not so easy. But it's always the message. It may get lost in bunch of theological well meaning other stuff...but the message is a message of love.
I may still be dealing with my doubts....but I'm also finding I'm seeing more love these days. More grace. Maybe because I'm craving it and I'm looking for God I'm finding it. Maybe Lent is more of reminder to drink from the well more often.